In order to know what is exactly the side of her I never saw before. You need to know how I always see my Mama.
She is a very strong woman, I guess that how we all see/tend to see our mothers, but she has this contrast in her character that I never actually fully understood. She can move mountains if she wants, however some other times she can’t just go from one place to another alone.
Seven years ago, my dad had cancer, colon cancer. I was in my first year in college, my brother was in high school I guess, so basically we were young, inexperienced and kinda lost. We weren’t responsible enough back then so she actually carried the weight all alone until we started to understand and digest that we have cancer at home. It took time before my dad thankfully survived, surgery, doctor & lab visits, late night doctors call. She has literally dealt with this all alone as strong as the strongest thing you can ever imagine.
She is a house wife, she has no work experience at all, being the youngest daughter in the family, having lost her dad at very young age, she was the most pampered of them all. She graduated years later got married to my father and that is it. Her life is just centered on her family, with few friends around she has nothing to do but us. Her business is taking care of us.
So with time passing, us growing old, having our own life outside the house, away from her.
Her life changed, we try as much as we can to keep her engaged in our lives but still by the end of the day she spends most of the time alone. Recently, I have realized that she is becoming more afraid of this, of sitting alone at home. Turning all the lights on, locking the door, nonstop phone calls with anyone just to avoid the feeling of loneliness and to get over this fear. I have seen it, unfortunately and she breaks my heart, having no other alternatives in hand is killing me. She is weak now, age is leaving its effect on her; she is sick we have spent this year almost in hospitals, hence she physically needs extra care, emotionally too.
It breaks my heart when I see her alone knowing she is afraid inside. Seeing the strong woman who raised me up and used to do everything with energy and didn’t mind doing anything alone with this fear right now is a killer.
If only I can go back in time where life was simpler and she was stronger and I was able to be around her more.
Time is my enemy. It is taking away like as we know an we can’t just stop it.
If you are reading this send some positive vibes our way, we can use some. xo