8 things to consider when moving out if you live in Arab countries

Friends series moving scene. ross, rachel and chandler moving sofa

For non-Arabic speaking friends, this video Moved out, is about young people who left their family’s houses and moved out.

I felt the urge to comment on this because it is always an argumentative subject here at home.

So let me first summarize the video for you and then I’ll explain why I felt the urge to comment about it.

Video Summary:

  1. The reasons behind leaving the house: the reasons could never be gathered in one list however, what was said above was age, urge of independent life (its about time) problems at home with one of the parents or even worse, both!
  2. How did your parents digested it: so its a spectrum of acceptance, from none to the totally supportive.
  3. How do you handle it on your on: Again a spectrum of bohemian life style to the well-managed home. messy apartment , ross's date Monica's apartment friends, tidy, clean neat
  4. What do you miss the most: HOMEMADE FOOD. delicious food, well prepared meal
  5. What do you not miss the most: arguments, comments on your life style.
  6. What do you love the most about it: Freedom, independence, privacy, Oh and walking around naked.
  7. What do you hate the most: Paying the bills. suffering from paying bills
  8. How people around you look at you (I’ll explain why this was asked later): people and the door guy never get it, how come young man/girl live alone or even in a shared studio? Odd!

* Big deep sigh *

Let us start the story with an introduction to where we live. I live in Egypt ( Arab world in general ) well these places have developed a norm based, i guess, on cultural and later economical reasons that you can only leave your parents house when you get married. Never before. And specially if you are a girl. It’s like forbidden, no matter what your religion is. However, its not I checked. So basically religion is not the reference when it comes to norms, it is the culture, the people around you, what will they say?! well to hell with them.

Here is why I felt the urge of commenting on this video:

  1. To show the infinite love & support to these people. BRAVO!
  2. It is a regular conversation here at my parents house, trying to convince them that it is the right thing to do, preparing them that I might do it one day when I am ready financially, which something that I am currently working on.

I can bet that 95% of the elderly in our society won’t ever get the idea. And it kinda make sense, they were born and raised on this, its hard to change.

How I see it, It is my present, it is my future and I should have the saying in it, nobody else should.

Why do I see it a must the whole experience of moving out, living alone, on your own completely until you are ready to partner with someone:

#Personal space:

personal space literally

BREATHE! you have your own space where you can just go home, relax, meditate do whatever you wanna do without people around, interfering, making a background noise. You have a plenty of ” me time ” and you are in control of the rest. You are free to invite whoever you want to share your time with. Unlike what happens at the parents house, people are imposed on your life. And don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and my brother and thankfully we are not a troublesome family, we live in peace we know how to co-exist most of the time. But still the introvert in me is just dying to leave.

#Independence:

How on earth will you ever feel entirely independent if you are still living in your parents house? How will you build a strong, independent character (not the cliche).

#Freedom:

Pretty much summing the two points above, but what i needed to clarify is we don’t mean by freedom, the partying all day all night life style. We mean freedom of choice, of making decisions.

#Accountability:

LET US LEARN THE HARD WAY. We do understand that life is not easy, and that is why we need to learn and we won’t learn as long as we are feeling safe that someone ( parents ) have our backs.

#Get ready for the next:

let the next be marriage, let it be long distance travel, let it be what it be but let me be ready.

Let us take marriage for example, when you are living in your parents house, if you are a girl you are leaving the cooking, tidying and these stuff to the mother. Same for the boys, they know nothing about housework, bills, fixing broken stuff. Nothing.

And then you ask them out of the blue when they get married to be responsible on a whole house, their partner and themselves and you expect them to live happily ever after! how about some preparations. How about giving them the time and space to let them develop on their own, explore the world and explore themselves and then when they are mature enough they can then carry the responsibility of this partnership.

Why it is not that easy around here:

#1 If you referred back to number 8 above( video summary), people in our society are not ok because they are not used to it, its different, its new and its odd. so if your parent are 50% ok with you moving out, they will still not give in because they know that society is not accustomed to this. and they do care about what people say, unlike us.

#2 Financial reasons:

To buy or rent a house or even a studio here is inexplicably expensive in a way past the capabilities of most young people here due to the low wages we are stuck with. So you gotta be well prepared for it before you move out, you don’t wanna ask for help after one month ( ego issues ).

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Remember why ?

Our lives nowadays couldn’t be busier, with all the hustle and bustle around we miss details. We get used to the routine, we are getting more familiar with the everyday surroundings that we don’t really appreciate their presence anymore.

We are taking our lives as we know it for granted. We all read articles about how not to take things for granted, how we will know their value when they are gone. And we will regret it.

So if we know where its going, then why are we being passive? why aren’t we taking action to change this fact.

I am reminding myself and reminding everyone who will read this to pause. Pause and have a look around you, remember why have you started your business in the first place instead of complaining everyday, find out why and live on that passion again.

If you are a parent, remember how you felt when you first hold your baby in your hands and how you promised them the world.

Remember why have you applied for this job, have you reached your goal or not yet? if not you have a reason to fight again.

If your relationship/marriage/friendship is getting on your nerves and you just can’t wait to run out of it because you are mad or whatever it is happening in your life. Close your eyes and imagine how your life will be without this relationship, remember all the good times and appreciate them be thankful that you lived them and do more, plan more of them; create new memories.

Remember how you got everything you wanted when you were kid, remember how you used to see your parents working their asses off to make you happy. Remember how you feel strong because no matter how bad your fight with your dad is but he’ll still have your back. How you can always always lie on your mother’s knees and let the world off your shoulder.

How you tend to call them first when you get accepted in that job interview or let them know about this person who you think is the one. This feeling I know I’ll miss the most, the mix of excitement and relief I get when I know about this job status and ran to the phone to ring them and transfer the happy news. How I always run to them when I feel like my life is falling apart I just need their advice, even if am not gonna work with it but at least I know I can share safely with someone that I can trust.

I am currently living with this in head, you never know when will be your last time with your parents/children/friends even colleagues at work.

So appreciate every single detail, your work, your relationships, your mama’s voice saying Hello picking up the phone, your father’s wishful tone of voice when he says good luck.

Look at everything thoroughly and appreciate it before its too late.