8 things to consider when moving out if you live in Arab countries

Friends series moving scene. ross, rachel and chandler moving sofa

For non-Arabic speaking friends, this video Moved out, is about young people who left their family’s houses and moved out.

I felt the urge to comment on this because it is always an argumentative subject here at home.

So let me first summarize the video for you and then I’ll explain why I felt the urge to comment about it.

Video Summary:

  1. The reasons behind leaving the house: the reasons could never be gathered in one list however, what was said above was age, urge of independent life (its about time) problems at home with one of the parents or even worse, both!
  2. How did your parents digested it: so its a spectrum of acceptance, from none to the totally supportive.
  3. How do you handle it on your on: Again a spectrum of bohemian life style to the well-managed home. messy apartment , ross's date Monica's apartment friends, tidy, clean neat
  4. What do you miss the most: HOMEMADE FOOD. delicious food, well prepared meal
  5. What do you not miss the most: arguments, comments on your life style.
  6. What do you love the most about it: Freedom, independence, privacy, Oh and walking around naked.
  7. What do you hate the most: Paying the bills. suffering from paying bills
  8. How people around you look at you (I’ll explain why this was asked later): people and the door guy never get it, how come young man/girl live alone or even in a shared studio? Odd!

* Big deep sigh *

Let us start the story with an introduction to where we live. I live in Egypt ( Arab world in general ) well these places have developed a norm based, i guess, on cultural and later economical reasons that you can only leave your parents house when you get married. Never before. And specially if you are a girl. It’s like forbidden, no matter what your religion is. However, its not I checked. So basically religion is not the reference when it comes to norms, it is the culture, the people around you, what will they say?! well to hell with them.

Here is why I felt the urge of commenting on this video:

  1. To show the infinite love & support to these people. BRAVO!
  2. It is a regular conversation here at my parents house, trying to convince them that it is the right thing to do, preparing them that I might do it one day when I am ready financially, which something that I am currently working on.

I can bet that 95% of the elderly in our society won’t ever get the idea. And it kinda make sense, they were born and raised on this, its hard to change.

How I see it, It is my present, it is my future and I should have the saying in it, nobody else should.

Why do I see it a must the whole experience of moving out, living alone, on your own completely until you are ready to partner with someone:

#Personal space:

personal space literally

BREATHE! you have your own space where you can just go home, relax, meditate do whatever you wanna do without people around, interfering, making a background noise. You have a plenty of ” me time ” and you are in control of the rest. You are free to invite whoever you want to share your time with. Unlike what happens at the parents house, people are imposed on your life. And don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and my brother and thankfully we are not a troublesome family, we live in peace we know how to co-exist most of the time. But still the introvert in me is just dying to leave.

#Independence:

How on earth will you ever feel entirely independent if you are still living in your parents house? How will you build a strong, independent character (not the cliche).

#Freedom:

Pretty much summing the two points above, but what i needed to clarify is we don’t mean by freedom, the partying all day all night life style. We mean freedom of choice, of making decisions.

#Accountability:

LET US LEARN THE HARD WAY. We do understand that life is not easy, and that is why we need to learn and we won’t learn as long as we are feeling safe that someone ( parents ) have our backs.

#Get ready for the next:

let the next be marriage, let it be long distance travel, let it be what it be but let me be ready.

Let us take marriage for example, when you are living in your parents house, if you are a girl you are leaving the cooking, tidying and these stuff to the mother. Same for the boys, they know nothing about housework, bills, fixing broken stuff. Nothing.

And then you ask them out of the blue when they get married to be responsible on a whole house, their partner and themselves and you expect them to live happily ever after! how about some preparations. How about giving them the time and space to let them develop on their own, explore the world and explore themselves and then when they are mature enough they can then carry the responsibility of this partnership.

Why it is not that easy around here:

#1 If you referred back to number 8 above( video summary), people in our society are not ok because they are not used to it, its different, its new and its odd. so if your parent are 50% ok with you moving out, they will still not give in because they know that society is not accustomed to this. and they do care about what people say, unlike us.

#2 Financial reasons:

To buy or rent a house or even a studio here is inexplicably expensive in a way past the capabilities of most young people here due to the low wages we are stuck with. So you gotta be well prepared for it before you move out, you don’t wanna ask for help after one month ( ego issues ).

The side of mom that I never saw before

In order to know what is exactly the side of her I never saw before. You need to know how I always see my Mama.

She is a very strong woman, I guess that how we all see/tend to see our mothers, but she has this contrast in her character that I never actually fully understood. She can move mountains if she wants, however some other times she can’t just go from one place to another alone.

Seven years ago, my dad had cancer, colon cancer. I was in my first year in college, my brother was in high school I guess, so basically we were young, inexperienced and kinda lost. We weren’t responsible enough back then so she actually carried the weight all alone until we started to understand and digest that we have cancer at home. It took time before my dad thankfully survived, surgery, doctor & lab visits, late night doctors call. She has literally dealt with this all alone as strong as the strongest thing you can ever imagine.

She is a house wife, she has no work experience at all, being the youngest daughter in the family, having lost her dad at very young age, she was the most pampered of them all. She graduated years later got married to my father and that is it. Her life is just centered on her family, with few friends around she has nothing to do but us. Her business is taking care of us.

So with time passing, us growing old, having our own life outside the house, away from her.

Her life changed, we try as much as we can to keep her engaged in our lives  but still by the end of the day she spends most of the time alone. Recently, I have realized that she is becoming more afraid of this, of sitting alone at home. Turning all the lights on, locking the door, nonstop phone calls with anyone just to avoid the feeling of loneliness and to get over this fear. I have seen it, unfortunately and she breaks my heart, having no other alternatives in hand is killing me. She is weak now, age is leaving its effect on her; she is sick we have spent this year almost in hospitals, hence she physically needs extra care, emotionally too.

It breaks my heart when I see her alone knowing she is afraid inside. Seeing the strong woman who raised me up and used to do everything with energy and didn’t mind doing anything alone with this fear right now is a killer.

If only I can go back in time where life was simpler and she was stronger and I was able to be around her more.

Time is my enemy. It is taking away like as we know an we can’t just stop it.

If you are reading this send some positive vibes our way, we can use some. xo

 

Inspirational talks #101 – Jay Shetty

I have came across this inspirational video couple of months ago, and I can’t get it off my mind. It simply explains the world we are living at, and how can we take a step forward and make a change.

So I wanted it to share it today, and hope you can find this message inspiring to you as it is to me and start making a difference.

” Albert Einstein famously remarked in a conversation with Werner Heisenberg, he said ” you know in the west we’ve built a beautiful ship, and in it it has all the comforts. But actually the one thing it doesn’t have is a compass and that’s why it doesn’t know where it is going.”

This paradox of our times was propounded by the Dalai Lama when he said ” we have wider freeways but narrower viewpoints, we have taller buildings but shorter tempers.”

Will Smith said that we spend money we haven’t earned on things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like. And it is phenomenal how the same technology that brings us close to those who are far away, takes us far away from the people that are actually close.

30 billion whatsapp messages are sent per day, but 48% of people said that they feel lonelier in general.

The paradox of our times is that we have more degrees but less sense. More knowledge but less judgements. More experts but less solutions.

It was Martin Luther King who said that the irony of our time is that we have guided missiles but misguided men. Have you ever found it perplexing that we’ve been all the way to the moon and back but we struggle to start a conversation across the road or across the train?

And it’s amazing that Bill Gates was known as the top earner of 2015 with a wealth of 79.2 billion USD but one in four CEOs claim to be struggling from depression.

Do we actually thrive off this paradox?Is it that this paradox actually makes the media interesting , its what makes journalism interesting, it’s what makes politics interesting, it’s what makes television interesting. Is this paradox actually what we feed off and what we live off and what we talk about and discuss on our circles?

Doesn’t it seem that we’ve tried to clean up the air but polluted our soul, we’ve split the atom but our prejudice, and we are aiming for high incomes but lower morals.

So I am hearing you ask, how do we bring a change? How do we dissect this paradox that exists in our lives? And it starts by us, each of us pressing pause, pressing reset, and then pressing play again. Taking a moment to become more conscious, taking a moment to become more aware, taking a moment to really reflect on the consequence, the implications of a misplaced word of an unnecessary argument that we all know we didn’t need to have, or to speak to someone just slightly differently in a different tone, in a different voice, in a different empathy, with a different perspective. Just to really connect with people on a different level. This, thinking out loud, started from Albert Einstein and I’ll track back to him when he actually said that the problems we have today cannot be solved with the same thinking that we used when we once created them.

So actually we need to research alternative teachings. We need to deep down dig into those ancient books of wisdom.We need to go back to understanding if there’s anything written in those creased pages of time that can actually reveal more knowledge and more wisdom of how can we transform our experience of life today. Otherwise this paradox means that every step we forward we take we’re taking three backwards every time.

Powerful words indeed. Here is the link to this Episode of street philosophy . And here is the link for Jay Shetty’s channel, so that you can enjoy more of these inspirational videos.

Live fully,

 

“Don’t rely on men”, a father once said.

Life in developing country 101.

My small chats with taxi drivers 101.

Today I had a chat with the taxi driver, talking about how he became a driver after working abroad for years as a tailor. He lived in Lebanon, Syria, Gulf area where he was paid by dollars.

He was moaning over all the money he had wasted, without saving for the future.

As we live in a country that has not any significance of secured future, so he is working two shifts to try and save any money again.

He is divorced, his children got married only a girl left and she is living with him, studying in an institute of art. She is teaching other kids as well to help her dad.

I liked how he talked about her ambition & her courage.” She has become courageous young girl because of me. ” He said.

“I will tell you what happened with us the other day,”

” She was on her way back home from the institute when she got harassed sexually by a truck driver, and he ran after he did what he did.

She went directly to the nearest police station to report what happened, they went on searching for him after she gave them his details. She went back home and told me what happened, I was stunned with her courage that after what happened she is still standing strong and going on the process of reporting and searching on her own. I was amazed that she didn’t need my help as her father in this situation, and I was proud.

After 5 hours, the police called as they found the guy and arrested him, so we had to go to make sure it was him. We did and he confessed.

I am telling you this story because I am proud and I’m not worried about her anymore. She didn’t need anyone to back her up in such situation, and am that’s how it shall be for the rest of her future.

She wants to go for masters after graduation and I will support her with all what I have. Her achievements and certificates is what will ensure her a future, not the husband. A girl can never rely on a man to secure a future. I know how they think, if they saw a prettier one they’ll do whatever they can to get her, even if that includes leaving their marriage behind. And I want my girl to be strong, I don’t want her to depend on anyone but herself.”