The side of mom that I never saw before

In order to know what is exactly the side of her I never saw before. You need to know how I always see my Mama.

She is a very strong woman, I guess that how we all see/tend to see our mothers, but she has this contrast in her character that I never actually fully understood. She can move mountains if she wants, however some other times she can’t just go from one place to another alone.

Seven years ago, my dad had cancer, colon cancer. I was in my first year in college, my brother was in high school I guess, so basically we were young, inexperienced and kinda lost. We weren’t responsible enough back then so she actually carried the weight all alone until we started to understand and digest that we have cancer at home. It took time before my dad thankfully survived, surgery, doctor & lab visits, late night doctors call. She has literally dealt with this all alone as strong as the strongest thing you can ever imagine.

She is a house wife, she has no work experience at all, being the youngest daughter in the family, having lost her dad at very young age, she was the most pampered of them all. She graduated years later got married to my father and that is it. Her life is just centered on her family, with few friends around she has nothing to do but us. Her business is taking care of us.

So with time passing, us growing old, having our own life outside the house, away from her.

Her life changed, we try as much as we can to keep her engaged in our lives  but still by the end of the day she spends most of the time alone. Recently, I have realized that she is becoming more afraid of this, of sitting alone at home. Turning all the lights on, locking the door, nonstop phone calls with anyone just to avoid the feeling of loneliness and to get over this fear. I have seen it, unfortunately and she breaks my heart, having no other alternatives in hand is killing me. She is weak now, age is leaving its effect on her; she is sick we have spent this year almost in hospitals, hence she physically needs extra care, emotionally too.

It breaks my heart when I see her alone knowing she is afraid inside. Seeing the strong woman who raised me up and used to do everything with energy and didn’t mind doing anything alone with this fear right now is a killer.

If only I can go back in time where life was simpler and she was stronger and I was able to be around her more.

Time is my enemy. It is taking away like as we know an we can’t just stop it.

If you are reading this send some positive vibes our way, we can use some. xo

 

Remember why ?

Our lives nowadays couldn’t be busier, with all the hustle and bustle around we miss details. We get used to the routine, we are getting more familiar with the everyday surroundings that we don’t really appreciate their presence anymore.

We are taking our lives as we know it for granted. We all read articles about how not to take things for granted, how we will know their value when they are gone. And we will regret it.

So if we know where its going, then why are we being passive? why aren’t we taking action to change this fact.

I am reminding myself and reminding everyone who will read this to pause. Pause and have a look around you, remember why have you started your business in the first place instead of complaining everyday, find out why and live on that passion again.

If you are a parent, remember how you felt when you first hold your baby in your hands and how you promised them the world.

Remember why have you applied for this job, have you reached your goal or not yet? if not you have a reason to fight again.

If your relationship/marriage/friendship is getting on your nerves and you just can’t wait to run out of it because you are mad or whatever it is happening in your life. Close your eyes and imagine how your life will be without this relationship, remember all the good times and appreciate them be thankful that you lived them and do more, plan more of them; create new memories.

Remember how you got everything you wanted when you were kid, remember how you used to see your parents working their asses off to make you happy. Remember how you feel strong because no matter how bad your fight with your dad is but he’ll still have your back. How you can always always lie on your mother’s knees and let the world off your shoulder.

How you tend to call them first when you get accepted in that job interview or let them know about this person who you think is the one. This feeling I know I’ll miss the most, the mix of excitement and relief I get when I know about this job status and ran to the phone to ring them and transfer the happy news. How I always run to them when I feel like my life is falling apart I just need their advice, even if am not gonna work with it but at least I know I can share safely with someone that I can trust.

I am currently living with this in head, you never know when will be your last time with your parents/children/friends even colleagues at work.

So appreciate every single detail, your work, your relationships, your mama’s voice saying Hello picking up the phone, your father’s wishful tone of voice when he says good luck.

Look at everything thoroughly and appreciate it before its too late.